Stop Making Excuses!

By Anant Mathur (November 24, 2010)

Now that it’s official, Guzaarish is a super flop at the Box Office, the so called critics who gave it 4+ stars are looking for excuses as to why the film flopped. Here are some of their top reasons:

1) It caters to a really tiny audience who like cinema that dares to be different
2) It’s a risk to have the hero of the film almost entirely on a wheel chair
3) The generous usage of English in the narrative.
4) The film failed to create any kind of a buzz prior to its release
5) The music did not catch on with listeners.

 
I will now try to justify these queries with some explanations: 

It caters to a really tiny audience
Is that why it was released on 750 screens? The makers of this film obviously made it for a large audience; otherwise they wouldn’t have spent 80 crores on it. No one wants to see a sad film these days.

It's a risk to have the hero of the film almost entirely on wheelchair 

People always complain that Hindi films have the same kind of characters and storylines and they’re looking for something different. Now here is Guzaarish which offers all that and now these same people who asked for it are saying “Its a risk to have the hero of the film almost entirely on a wheel chair”. I mean gimme a break, why is it a risk to have the character on a wheel chair, who said he’s suppose to be a hero? Not every person in this world has what it takes to be a hero, so why does the lead character in every film need to be heroic; it should depend on the story.
 

The generous usage of English in the narrative
This of course is my personal favourite. I mean how dumb are these critics, what do they think that the common man in India doesn’t know how to speak English? How arrogant is that? Even taxi drivers in India can speak better English than taxi drivers in countries like USA, Canada and UK. Didn't people go to see Sanjay Leela Bhansali's Black which was almost entirely in English and managed to make a profit for its distributors because the budget was only 18 crores.

The film failed to create any kind of a buzz
What do you expect when the highlight of your promos is a fly sitting on Hrithik Roshan’s nose or Aishwarya Rai trying to play air drums which looks more fake than Shahrukh Khan’s mustache in Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi.

Why did the music not catch on with listeners
Well, it’s no good, that’s why. There’s a reason films have lyricist and music directors. When a filmmaker like Sanjay Leela Bhansali tries to justify his 25 crore salary by doing everything in a film, what can one expect. He should have left the music to the professionals.

As entertaining as the above suggestions are, there’s only one reason that Guzaarish failed – It lacks entertainment!

 

Here’s my advice to everyone who’s trying to justify the misfortune of Guzaarish: Stop looking for reasons why the movie failed, it’s a flop, it was going to be a flop, it was evident from the promotion. I predicted it would be a flop and it is. The reason is simple, it’s a big budget movie and those rarely make a profit in bollywood – If you need proof look at Kites, Raavan, Khatta Meetha, Anjaana Anjaani, Robot (Hindi Version), Jhootha Hi Sahi, Blue, Action Replayy, Aladin, Veer, My Name Is Khan, It's a Wonderful Afterlife, Kambakkht Ishq, Kurbaan, London Dreams and De Dana Dan - all of which had budgets of over 40 crores and all were super flops. 

These big budget films tend to be big on star casts, effects, locations, etc. but they all lack the most important element – a good entertaining story.

In order for a film to work in India, the budget can’t exceed 30-35 crore. The only exception being a brand like Golmaal 3 which already has a huge fan base – but even it can’t have a budget of more than 50-55 crores if it’s to make a profit. A sequel to Krrish can have a 50 crore budget, but I doubt it will be profitable if its budget is 100 crores.

The whole point of making films is to tell a story, so producers please find a good story and tell it. If your writers can’t write one for you, fire them. There are numerous struggling artists out there who can write and direct better than your relatives or your best friend or the secretary you’ve had for 10 years.

Obviously, there’s a business side to filmmaking also, but that business side should be handled by people who know how to do business. When looking at films as a business filmmakers need to maximize profits and lower cost, even a kid freshly out of business school knows that, but sadly the morons running the Indian film industry do not. They’re happy making a 1 crore profit on a film that cost 50 crores to make, why? Look at Hollywood as a model, when they make a film with a budget of $50 million they don’t expect to make $51 million in nett collections, they’re expecting at least $250 million in returns and they achieve it.

It is very rare that a film will generate 100 crores in nett collections in India. If a film has a budget of 50 crores and it makes 51 crores in nett collections, it’s still a loosing film because the 51 crores get split between the exhibitors and the distributor, 45% and 55%, respectively. In this case, it would be 23 crores for the exhibitors and 28 crores for the distributor. But the distributor purchased the film for 55 crores from the producer and put in an additional 10 crores for print and advertising - bringing the cost to 65 crores. Now, 65 crores – 28 crores revenue = 37 crores loss, and even if the film earns 20 crores from satellite rights for the distributor, it’s still a loosing film. You can imagine what the losses would be if the budget was 100 crores. For a film which can generate revenues of only 50 crores, budgets need to be no more than 10-15 crores, only then will everyone involved make a profit.

It’s funny, but before the release of Guzaarish, UTV (distributor) announced the cost of the film is 80 crores, once the film released and UTV realized that the film is not doing well, that 80 became a 70 (on Friday). At the time of this post, they had come down to 60 crores. 

I’m just waiting for the geniuses at UTV to reveal that Guzaarish is a profit making venture – it will be a blatant lie – but you can bet they will try. If history teaches us anything it’s that no UTV film ever loses money at the box office – what a joke!!

© Anant Mathur. All Rights Reserved.